Fred Versus
by Kate Anderson
Summary: If you're a fan of Fred, this probably isn't the series for you...
1. Fred Versus The Crocodile Hunter

Fr*d Versus The Crocodile Hunter

  
  
  
  


The doorbell rang, followed by a series of sharp raps on the door. Faith put down her magazine and opened the door. A man and a woman, both decked out in khaki, stood outside. 

"Can I help you?" Faith asked. 

"Is this the home of a Mr Fred Yokas?" the man asked, his voice had a heavy Australian accent. 

Faith nodded and turned around. "Fred! There's some people here to see you and one of them looks like that guy off the tv! You know, the one with the really tight shorts?" 

The man in the doorway adjusted his really tight shorts. They kept riding up his crotch. Fred walked down the hall and the man gasped, "By crikey! He's a big one!" 

Fred scrunched up his face and examined the folks at the door. The man put a hand on Faith's shoulder. "My name's Steve Irwin and this here's my wife Terri. Don't you worry ma'am, we'll have the problem taken care of in no time!" 

Faith opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again and stepped aside. Steve and Terri walked in, followed by several men with video cameras. 

"Stay back ma'am, these creatures can very unpredictable!" Steve said and motioned for Faith to stand against the wall. 

Fred hitched up his boxer shorts and stared at Steve. Steve turned to face a camera. "What we have 'ere folks is most commonly referred to as the deadbeat or jerkwad husband. Now this big fella is one of the largest members of the species that I've ever had the pleasure of dealing with!" 

Terri stepped forward and pushed her husband aside. "These are a relatively common species, they can be found all over the world. Fortunately they can easily be rid of, if you know what you're doing." 

Steve approached Fred slowly. "It's alright mate, I'm not gonna hurt you." One of the cameras carefully tracked Steve's movement. 

Steve grabbed ahold of Fred's arm. "The secret to dealing with the jerkwad husband is you've got to get them down on the floor and then tie a top jaw rope around them." 

Before Fred had a chance to react, Steve flipped him onto the floor and was laying on top of him. "Terri! Hand me the rope!" 

Fred struggled violently, trying to shake Steve off. The camera zoomed in on Steve's butt. "He's going into a death roll! Terri, get on his legs!" 

Terri jumped onto Fred's legs, at the same time handing a rope to her husband. "I'm important not to stress him too much." Steve said, as he put the rope into Fred's mouth and tied it around his face. "You!" he said addressing Faith. "We need a blindfold!" 

Faith threw Steve a scarf that she's found conveniently laying by the door. "You're alright mate, you're alright." Steve said soothingly as he tied the scarf around Fred's face. 

"Now Terri, get off the legs. Slowly. That's a girl, now grab ahold of his ankles." Terri wrapped her hands around Fred's ankles. 

Steve shifted himself until he was off Fred. The camera zoomed in on his butt again. "Now that he's been properly restrained and sedated, it's time to move him." Steve stood up and took Fred's hands. Fred growled. 

Steve and Terri hoisted Fred up and carried him out the door. The camera crew followed and Steve babbled away. 

Faith poked her head out the door and watched them load Fred into the elevator. She shrugged. "Well that was bizarre." she muttered to herself, then shut the door. Faith wandered back over to the couch and picked up her magazine again. 


	2. Fred Versus Mulder and Scully

Fr*d Versus Mulder & Scully

  
  
  
  


"Take a look at this Scully!" Mulder excitedly shoved a photograph into his partner's face. 

"Oh my God, Mulder. Is that what I think it is?" Sully asked, disbelief written all over her face. 

Mulder nodded. "It's the proof that we've been searching for. Proof that aliens really do exist." 

"Who sent this to you?" 

"A police officer in New York. Someone by the name of Maurice Boscorelli." Mulder replied. "I've booked a flight for tomorrow at noon Scully. We're going to New York." 

_____________ 

New York...sometime late the next day. 

Mulder and Scully checked into their swanky Manhattan hotel. "Good to have that bureau credit card." Mulder said with a grin after he and Scully dumped their bags in their adjoining rooms. 

"So, what's the plan here Mulder?" Scully asked. "You do have one, right?" 

"I'll contact this Maurice Boscorelli in the morning. We'll meet and he'll pass along any relevant information regarding the subject." 

"What about me?" 

"Go shopping or something. This is Manhattan after all. Take the bureau credit card. Buy the Skinman something nice, I'm sure he won't mind." 

Scully shrugged. "Okay, but do you even know what precinct this Boscorelli person works for?" 

"The 55th." Mulder replied. "I have all the information written down in the file, if you'd bothered to read it." 

Scully yawned. "I'm going to bed Mulder. Apparently I have a big day full of shopping ahead of me tomorrow." 

"Goodnight Scully." Mulder said and touched her arm. 

_____________ 

The next day...55 Precinct, New York 

A man in a trench coat, with an exceptionally large nose approached Bosco. "Excuse me." the man said. "That blonde woman officer over there told me that you are Officer Boscorelli?" 

Bosco nodded. "And you are?" 

"Special Agent Fox Mulder, Federal Bureau of Investigation." Mulder extended his hand and Bosco took it. They shook for a while. "I'm here regarding that photo that was sent to my office." 

"Oh yeah, forgot about that..." Bosco muttered. "Hey Faith?" he called out. 

"Yeah Bos?" Faith called back. 

"I gotta talk to this guy for a bit. You can wait in the squad for me." Faith nodded and headed out the door. 

"Is that your partner?" Mulder asked. 

Bosco wondered how this guy could constantly talk in the same tone of voice. It was like he was some kind of machine. "Yeah, that's my partner." 

"Is your relationship riddled with unresolved sexual tension?" 

"Uh, not really. I suppose there might be a bit of that..." Bosco ran a hand over his short hair. 

"I have a female partner too." Mulder said with a sigh. 

"She hot?" 

"Yeah, I suppose she is." Mulder replied. "But enough about Scully. Let's talk about that photo you sent me. I need to know who that man is and where I can find him. He could be the validation of my life's work!" Mulder actually changed his tone of voice a bit. 

"His name is Fred Yokas." Bosco replied. "I always knew something was a little off with him..." 

"Do you know where he lives?" 

"Actually, he's my partner's husband." 

"This wouldn't have anything to do with that unresolved sexual tension that may or may not exist between you and your partner would it? You wanting to turn this man in, I mean." Mulder asked. His dark brown eyes bore into Bosco's skull. 

Bosco shrugged. "It might." 

Mulder nodded. "I need you to take me to this man." 

"Sure." 

_______________ 

Meanwhile in an upscale Manhattan clothing boutique... 

Dana Scully held a dress up to herself and bobbed around in front of the mirror. 

"That dress would look simply divine on you!" said a young blonde woman enthusiastically. 

"Uh thanks, I suppose." 

"Would you like to try that on?" 

Scully pursed her lips and then nodded. "Sure, why not." 

The blonde smiled. "My name's Nicole by the way." 

"Dana." 

"You aren't from New York, are you?" Nicole asked, as she took the dress from Scully and led her to a small, curtained off changing area. 

"No, I'm just here on business." 

"Oh really? What do you do?" 

"I work with the FBI actually." 

"Oh wow! That's so cool!" Nicole was fairly jumping up and down. "I had a boyfriend in law enforcement once. Or wait..I guess I had several boyfriends in law enforcement, but I really only liked one of them." 

Scully smiled. "That's nice." 

Nicole sighed wistfully. "His name was Maurice...he was such a handsome cop. A real bad boy." 

"His name wasn't Maurice Boscorelli was it?" 

Nicole's eyes opened wider than they already had been. "Wait, don't tell me he's slept with you! I mean, I know he gets around but..." 

"No, don't worry. I don't even know what he looks like, I just know his name." 

"Oh okay, well, you try on this dress and if it doesn't fit, I can grab you a smaller size!" 

_____________ 

Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...sometime that afternoon 

"Look Agent Mulder, I don't suppose you could hurry this up? I mean, Faith's gonna notice sooner or later that we're not at the gas station anymore!" 

Mulder looked up and flicked off his flashlight. "I must gather evidence to support my theory!" he exclaimed. "You can't rush these things." 

Bosco scratched his neck and then jumped as his cell phone rang. "Excuse me." he said to Mulder and pulled the phone was his pocket. 

"Hello?" 

"BOSCO!!!!!" Bosco held the phone away from his ear. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU????" 

"Calm down Faith, something came up and we had to go!" 

"Something came up so you ditched me at this gas station?" 

"I ditch Scully all the time." Mulder said from under the kitchen table. "She doesn't like it much either." 

"Shut up Mulder." Bosco said and then to Faith he said, "It was an emergency." 

"Where are you?" 

"I'm at...ummm...Mulder's hotel. Yeah, he needed to pick up something. Look Faith, we'll swing by and pick you up soon, I promise." 

"It's the middle of our shift Bosco. What the hell am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass?" 

"Actually, technically we're 10-63, so you might want to grab a bite to eat." 

"I hate you Bosco." 

"I hate you too Faith." replied Bosco and then hit the off button and folded his phone back up. 

"Definitely unresolved sexual tension..." Mulder said as he shone his flashlight under the fridge. 

Bosco leaned against a counter and sighed. 

"Uncle Bosco?" Bosco whirled around when he heard the door open. Emily and Charlie walked into the apartment, carrying their backpacks in their hands. 

"Hey Uncle B!" Charlie said and ran up and hugged Bosco. "Who's that man on the floor?" 

"The exterminator." Bosco replied. 

"Is mom home?" Emily asked, staring at the 'exterminator'. 

"No, she was busy, so she asked me come by the place while the exterminator was here." 

"Oh okay. I didn't know we had a bug problem." Emily frowned. 

Bosco shrugged. "I guess it's not that bad. Your mom probably just wanted to stop them before it became too bad." 

Charlie tugged on Bosco's sleeve. "Uncle B, you wanna see what I learned in school today?" 

"Sure kiddo, what did you learn?" 

Charlie stepped back and dropped his backpack onto the floor. He pulled one arm back and then before Bosco knew what had happened, Charlie had punched him hard in the gut. "Oh!" Bosco sucked in a painful breath. "That's very good." 

Charlie grinned. "We're learning karate in gym class!" 

Mulder stood up and brushed his dress pants off. He looked down at the two children. "Well, your insects are now taken care of. We will go now." 

Bosco nodded and still clutching his stomach he said, "Bye Charlie, bye Em." 

The kids waved and Mulder and Bosco left the apartment. 

_____________ 

Gas station...Manhattan...also sometime that afternoon 

Faith Yokas was pissed. She kicked a stone across the parking lot. "Take that." she muttered and imagined that the stone was Bosco's head. 

_____________ 

Mulder and Scully's hotel....Manhattan...late that day 

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Scully asked. She stabbed a forkful of lettuce and dipped in her salad dressing. 

"I believe so." Mulder replied. "This Fred Yokas is definitely the proof that I've been searching for." 

"Good to hear, so does that mean that we can leave?" 

Mulder shook his head. "No, I need to take him with me. Bring him to the Lone Gunmen so they can study him!" 

"You aren't serious?" 

"Completely. This man is a freak of nature. He is the be all and end all of extra-terrestrial science. If I can bring him back to Washington, our work with finally get the credit it so rightly deserves Scully." 

"Great." Scully stabbed at a piece of radish. 

"So did you buy yourself something nice to wear?" 

"I got a dress. The saleswoman was really irritating though. Turns out she used to date that Officer Boscorelli." 

"What about something for Skinner?" 

"I got him a tie." 

"He should like that." 

"Yup." 

_____________ 

Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...sometime 

"Hey baby," Fred greeted his wife as she walked through the door. "The kids were saying something about an exterminator being here today? I didn't realize we had a bug problem." 

Faith frowned and pondered that for a while. "I never called an exterminator." 

"The kids said that Bosco was here with an exterminator today." Fred stood up and scratched his ass. 

"Bosco..." Faith muttered. "Did they say what this exterminator looked like?" 

Fred shrugged. "Some tall guy apparently, wearing a trench coat. He had a large nose and talked only in monotone." 

"Oh my God, Mulder!" 

"Mulder?" 

"Bosco said they went to the hotel." Faith narrowed her eyes. "But they were actually here..." 

"Who's Mulder?" 

Faith turned around and bolted back out through the door that she hadn't yet closed. "No time to explain! Must find Bosco!" she called over her shoulder as she ran for the elevator. 

_____________ 

Bosco's Swingin' Bachelor Pad...Manhattan...approximately 12:30 am 

Bosco stabbed the play button on his answering machine. The red light had been blinking 20..20..20..and Bosco was wondering who could have been calling him twenty times. 

"Maurice, it's me. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing. Give me a call, okay?" Now there was a voice that Bosco hadn't heard for a long time. 

"Hi Maurice, it's me again. I know you're probably at work right now...arresting all those bad guys, wearing that sexy armour of yours..." 

"Hey Maurice, yeah it's me again. I just wanted to let you know that I really miss you. I think we made a huge mistake breaking up and I just..." 

"Oh Maurice! I don't know why I can't stop calling you!" 

Bosco groaned and picked up the phone. He dialled a number that he hadn't dialled in a very long time. He waited a few rings before a voice answered. "Hello..." she said. 

"For the love of God Nicole! Stop calling me!!!!" Bosco yelled into the phone. "I do not want to get back together with you! I do not want to suck on your toes! And I do not want you to pour champagne on my chest again!" 

"But Maurice..." 

"No buts Nicole, we're finished." 

_____________ 

Hallway Outside Bosco's Swingin' Bachelor Pad...Manhattan...approximately 12:40 am 

Faith knocked on the door and tapped her foot impatiently. "Come on Bosco, I know you're in there." 

The door swung open and Faith pushed Bosco aside and stepped in. "Hello to you too." Bosco said and looked at Faith. She looked pissed. 

"What the hell were you and Agent Mulder doing in my apartment today?" Faith demanded, putting her hands on her hips. 

"Agent Mulder and I in your apartment?" Bosco decided to play dumb. Not that it was overly challenging or anything. 

"Don't give me that crap. Fred told me that the kids saw you and the exterminator there today and I know for a fact that I never called any exterminator!" 

Bosco sighed and threw up his hands. "Fine, you win. Agent Mulder wanted to snoop around your place for a while." 

"Is that why you ditched me at the gas station?" 

Bosco nodded. "I cannot tell a lie." 

"Bull." 

"It's true. I never lie to you Faith." 

"You just lied to me a second ago!" 

"Whatever, let's not get all technical here." 

Faith adjusted the placement of her hands on her hips and looked deep into Bosco's eyes. "Bosco, why did Agent Mulder want to snoop around my apartment?" 

"Fred's an alien." 

"Oh, is that all?" 

Bosco nodded. "I cannot tell a lie." 

_____________ 

Swanky Manhattan Hotel...Manhattan...the next morning 

"So let me get this straight, you think that this Fred Yokas fellow is actually an alien in disguise?" 

Mulder nodded solemnly. "I found evidence Scully. Evidence that cannot be ignored!" 

"What's the plan for today then?" 

"I need to talk with Mr Yokas' wife, one Faith Yokas. And then we shall proceed with the abduction." 

"The abduction?" Scully raised an eyebrow. 

"I thought it sounded good. You know because the aliens always abduct us, I thought we could abduct one of them for a change. Turn the tables a bit, so to speak." 

"What am I supposed to do?" 

"Go shopping or something. We're still in Manhattan." 

______________ 

Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...approximately 10:00 am 

"So Agent Mulder just called you up and said that he wanted to speak with me?" 

"He sort of said it in a round-about way." Bosco replied. "I had to get out my dictionary before I knew that's all he wanted." 

The ringing of a phone shattered the relative silence. Bosco dug his phone out from his pocket and put it up to his ear. "Hello?...how the hell did you get this number?...you called Sully?...I don't care...STOP CALLING ME!" 

Bosco shoved the phone back into his pocket. Faith looked at Bosco with raised eyebrows. "Who was that?" 

"Nicole. Apparently she wants to get back together again." 

"After the way you treated her?" 

"Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too." 

"But you're not?" 

Bosco shook his head. "That bitch is crazy. She's the one that sent that poison ivy!" 

"I thought she was in Europe." 

"She had one of her psycho friends slip the ivy in the bouquet and deliver it to the station." 

A sharp knocking on the door interrupted Bosco and Faith. Faith went over to the door and opened it. "Officer Yokas." Mulder greeted Faith as the door opened. 

"Agent Mulder." 

Mulder reached into the pocket of his jacket and withdrew a small pad of paper. "Officer Yokas, I need to ask you a few questions regarding your husband." 

_____________ 

Delivery Service Place That Fred Works For...Manhattan...10:10 am 

Fred hung up the phone, his heart thudding in his chest. "Agent Mulder works for the X-Files division." Fred said under his breath. "I'm an X-File! Oh God, he's after meeeeeeee!!" 

____________ 

Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...10:20 am 

"Has your husband ever bled green blood that makes your eyes burn?" 

"Ummmm," Faith ran a hand through her hair. "Honestly? I don't think I've ever seen him bleed." 

"Have you ever stabbed your husband in the back of the neck with a sharp, pointy object that resembles an icepick?" 

"No, I'm pretty sure that I haven't." 

"Has your husband ever changed his appearance?" 

"Well, sometimes when he doesn't shave or shower for a few days..." 

Bosco stood off to the side with his arms crossed listening to Agent Mulder question Faith. 

"Has your husband ever put on a grass skirt and sang 'I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' while doing the hula?" 

"Once, but he was drunk!" 

Mulder nodded and scribbled something down on his pad of paper. 

"So does that mean that Fred's an alien?" Faith asked, tugging nervously on her shirt sleeve. 

"Oh, I already knew that he was. I just wanted to talk to you for a while." 

"What are you going to do with him now?" 

Mulder stood up from the couch and gazed at Faith with his soulful dark eyes. "I'm going to take him with me and study him." 

"Study him?" Faith gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. 

"Yes study him. Your husband could provide the world with valuable insight into the physiology of these beings! It could help us ward off the coming alien colonization." 

"Alien colonization?" Bosco asked. "You never said anything about that before!" 

"It wasn't important." 

Bosco scowled. 

_____________ 

Fred's Truck...Manhattan...10:25 am 

"Must drive faster! Must get to apartment and pack and leave at once!" 

Fred ran a hand over his bald head and then slammed it down on the steering wheel. The traffic was terrible. 

_____________ 

Apartment of Faith and Fred Yokas...Manhattan...10:40 am 

The door burst open and Fred came running into the apartment. Mulder set his glass of water down on the kitchen counter and looked over at Fred. His eyes were wild with excitement. 

"AgghhhH!" Fred screamed as he saw Agent Mulder. 

Mulder smiled, a small smile and walked closer to Fred. "I don't believe we've met." Mulder said, extending his hand. "I'm Agent Mulder." 

"Oh shit." Fred said. "Faith, baby! You've got to help me!" Fred looked to Faith for help, but she didn't move. She just sat on the couch with Bosco's arm around her. 

"You're an alien Fred." Faith said sadly. "I can't believe you never told me. In all those years of marriage Fred, you never thought to tell me that you were an alien?" 

"Faith, I'm sorry! I didn't want to scare you away!" 

"What about Charlie and Emily Fred? Are they part alien too?" 

Fred shook his head. "No they aren't." 

"They aren't?" Mulder asked, sounding confused. "How's that possible?" 

Fred shrugged. "Long story." 

Mulder reached into jacket pocket and pulled out a set of handcuffs. "Put your arms behind your back." Fred put his arms behind his back and Mulder slapped the cuffs on. "Let's go." 

Fred began walking towards the door. He stopped just before it and turned to look at Faith once more. "I love you Faith. Just remember that." 

Bosco pulled Faith closer to him and comforted her as she began to cry. Mulder looked at them before closing the door. "Definitely unresolved sexual tension." he said and then shut the door. 

_____________ 

The Lone Gunmen's Lair...the next day 

"What have you got for us Mulder?" Langly asked, as Mulder and Scully entered the room. 

"I hope whatever it is, is hot." Frohike said, running his hands over his hair. 

"Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Fred. Fred's an alien." Mulder pulled on Fred and dragged him into the room.   
  



	3. Fred Versus Car

Fr*d Versus Car

  
  
This one's rated R for language and content.   
  
  


It was a beautiful morning; the sun was shining, the birds were singing and well, you probably get the picture. Bosco stepped onto the sidewalk and smiled. He still had a good five hours before his shift started and he was in the mood for a drive. 

Bosco grinned as a young woman walked past him. She was towing a small dog on a leash. "Over grown rat." Bosco muttered and then continued to smile winningly at the woman. 

As Bosco unlocked the door to his Mustang he thought he heard someone calling his name. Bosco looked around, but seeing no one he recognized, he opened the door and slid into the driver's seat. He turned his key in the ignition and the car roared to life. 

"Boscorelli!!!!" Bosco looked up in alarm as someone banged on the passenger's side window. 

Bosco raised his eyebrows. An angry, fat bald man was peering in through the window, occasionally slamming his fist on it. "Fred?" Bosco leaned over and rolled down the window. 

"You son of a bitch!" Fred hollered, sticking his hands in through the window, wildly waving them about. 

"What the hell do you want?" Bosco was confused. He knew that Fred wasn't his biggest fan, but this seemed a little out of line. 

"What the hell do I want?! I want you to stay the hell away from my wife!" Fred had a crazed look in his eyes and Bosco worried for a moment that the other man might have somehow contracted rabies. 

"Stay away from Faith? I work with her you asshole! How the hell am I supposed to stay away from her?" 

"Don't play around with me Boscorelli, I know what's going on between the two of you. And don't give me that 'oh but I don't know what you're talking about' schtick!" 

Bosco bit his bottom lip, deep in thought for a moment. He tried to think of anything he could have done recently that would have pissed off Fred. Nothing came to mind. "Look Fred, I don't know what crawled up your ass and died this morning, but I really have no idea what you're talking about." 

"You're fucking my wife Boscorelli!" Fred was actually starting to drool from the corners of his mouth. 

"I'm fucking your wife?" Bosco laughed. "You think that Faith and I are..." his voice trailed off. 

Fred's hands were still wildly waving about, trying in vain to reach Bosco's throat. Apparently he had failed to notice the door handle on the outside of the car. "Don't fuck around with me Boscorelli. I'm warning you!" 

Fred grabbed ahold of the car and began trying to shake it. Bosco sighed and did up his seatbelt. Putting the car into drive, he put his foot on the gas pedal and moved the car forward a few feet. Fred roared with anger and moved around to the front of the car. 

"I will get you Boscorelli!" Fred yelled and slammed his hands on the hood of the car. 

"Not if I get you first..." Bosco muttered and slammed his foot down on the gas. _thump_ Bosco bobbed up and down as he ran over Fred. 

Bosco put the car into park and opened his door. Looking back, he noticed Fred laying on the ground. He was moaning and rolling all over the place. Bosco watched him with curiosity for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and getting back in the car. 

Bosco put the car into reverse and stepped on the gas. _thump_

He opened the door again and found Fred still rolling around. "That bastard just refuses to die..." Bosco said under his breath. 

A young woman wearing a very short skirt walked by. She looked down at Fred and then up at Bosco. She looked quite scared. Bosco smiled and waved. As the woman took off running down the street, Bosco ran Fred over once more. 

Bosco shut off his car and walked over to Fred. Fred twitched a bit. 

"Bosco!" 

Bosco raised his eyebrows in alarm. That voice sounded suspiciously like Faith's and something told him that she wouldn't be too happy to find out that he'd mowed down her husband, several times. Bosco stood in front of Fred, crossed his arms and tried to look casual. 

"Bosco!" Faith appeared in front of him, looking and sounding slightly out of breath. "Bosco! I came to tell you that Fred..." She stopped talking and craned her neck, trying to see around Bosco. "What's that behind you?" 

Bosco pursed his lips for a moment before replying, "A dog." He nudged Fred with his heel. "A very big dog." 

"Oh okay, well anyway, I came to tell you that Fred is looking for you. He seems to think that we're..." 

"Doing the nasty?" Bosco interrupted Faith. "The mattress tango, the horizontal mambo? Basically screwing each other's brains out?" 

"Yeah, how did you know? Bos, are you sure that's really a dog behind you? Let me see." 

Faith stepped closer and gasped. "Oh my God Bosco! You killed him!" 

"He started it." 

Faith knelt down beside her husband and gently touched his cheek. "Oh Fred..." she said softly. Fred twitched. 

"See, he's only mostly dead!" Bosco cried out. 

Faith frowned and then stood up, brushing off her pants. "Oh well, I don't think there's much we can do for him now." 

"You're not upset?" Bosco stared at Faith, noticing an absence of tears. 

"Nah, I never really liked him much anyway." 

Bosco pondered that for a moment and then shrugged. "Well okay. So, you wanna go get a cheeseburger or somethin'?" 

"Yeah, I could go for a cheeseburger." Faith nodded and smiled. Bosco smiled back and as they got into Bosco's car and drove away, a delivery truck ran over Fred and finished him off for once and for all.   
  
Author's Notes: Please, no flames! I'm sorry if this offended anyone, it's done only in good fun. I think we all know that nothing like this would ever happen!   
  



End file.
